- Zachary Bouck
- Jul 1, 2024
- 8 min read
Updated: Sep 18, 2024
By: Zachary Bouck, CFP®
Usually, when I write, I have to sort through hundreds of thoughts, feelings, pre-conceived biases, histories, and 41 years’ worth of mental fog to refine an idea pure enough to put it on paper. This blog is not that process. As a father, husband, business owner, softball coach, and member of society, I get to interact with lots of people. I’ve learned one thing about kids, teenagers, and adults; they hate admitting when they’re wrong.
In fact, the whole social media edifice (Especially Twitter, my drug of choice) is largely people arguing their positions while refusing to consider or engage anyone else’s. We want to be right, and we don’t want to be wrong.
Peter Wason, an English Psychologist coined a phrase called ‘confirmation bias.’ Financial advisors love talking about confirmation bias – it’s the tendency of people to favor information that confirms or strengthens their beliefs or values.
How many people find their preferred religion and then spend Sundays looking for an alternative truth or belief? Muslims, Christians, Atheists, and Jews all find their preferred perspective and then spend countless hours reinforcing their beliefs in ceremonies and friend groups.
You see this in political groups as well. Once your views are entrenched, liberal or conservative, it’s virtually impossible to dislodge you to the opposing group.
The alternative to this would be constant questioning and constantly seeking evidence that you’re wrong. To always be seeking new information that contradicts your beliefs is to live a very unsettled life. I’ve known people, who once married, were constantly seeking information that they made the wrong choice. A terrible way to have a stable marriage.
Charlie Munger talked about this - how having extreme ideologies reduces your ability to think clearly or be wise. The anecdote for this is described below. He argues, that to have a strong opinion, a person must be able to state the contradicting arguments better than their opponent. This shows that you’ve given real thought to the opposing argument.
From a Times article about Charlie, "Another thing to avoid is extremely intense ideology because it cabbages up one’s mind. You see a lot of it in the worst of the TV preachers. They have different, intense, inconsistent ideas about technical theology, and a lot of them have minds reduced to cabbage. That can happen with political ideology. And if you’re young, it’s particularly easy to drift into intense and foolish political ideology and never get out.
I have what I call an iron prescription that helps me keep sane when I drift toward preferring one intense ideology over another. I feel that I’m not entitled to have an opinion unless I can state the arguments against my position better than the people who are in opposition. I think that I am qualified to speak only when I’ve reached that state."
Secondarily, I would argue that if hearing the opponent's argument causes a huge emotional rise in you, it means you’re not using the logical part of your brain, you’re using the emotional part. So, while this argument gives you strong emotion, that’s not relevant to anyone else. Unless you tap the emotion or logic in the opponent, you will not convince them of your perspective.
In fact, Dennis Prager, an oldie-time talk show host has a great phrase, that he prefers clarity to agreement. For example, there’s no possibility for Biden & Trump to get on stage and agree on the preferred tax rate. An agreement will never happen.
But it is possible that you could leave a debate with two clearly articulated positions from which you could make an educated decision.
All this to say, most human communication, especially in the public sector is NOT designed to bring clarity, in fact, it’s designed to intentionally obfuscate it. Politicians don’t debate the merits of policies, they tap into your emotions, primarily negative emotions, to recruit you to their positions.
Ok, what does this have to do with being wealthy? This article is supposed to be about phrases that lead to wealth.
Phrase #1 – “My Fault”
As an entrepreneur, and someone who has never had a typical ‘salary’ job, I have no one to blame when things go wrong. As the owner of the company and the deliverer of services when something goes wrong, it’s on me.
I’ve picked the suppliers, the software, and the employees, and created the culture. When one of those things fails, it’s ultimately my responsibility.
Having this perspective, that everything is my fault, is very different than the motivation of many employees. It’s common to worry about being the next in line for a layoff or falling into the bad graces of your boss, so it’s very important, too many employees, that they are never seen as the source of a problem.
From my perspective as a business owner, I heartily disagree.
If one of my employees stood up at a team meeting and said “This was my project. I screwed it up from the beginning. Our goals were shoddy, our process was lacking, and our execution was weak because of these reasons. I take responsibility”
I would freaking love that employee. What a rock star.
In Jocko Willink’s book “Extreme Ownership” he talks about, among other things, taking “Extreme Ownership” of problems. I’ll be honest, I’ve read this book twice, a few years apart, and the best thing about this book is the title. The reason I reference it, is people always mention the book to me when I discuss the concept of owning the problem.
Here’s a quote from Jocko: “Extreme Ownership. Leaders must own everything in their world. There is no one else to blame.”
This is a good summary. Own everything. If you’re a low-level employee, get a reputation for owning your world. Stop pointing fingers and stop blaming.
Will this get you promoted or get you a raise?
I have no idea.
It depends on the organization you work for, the profitability of your industry, and your boss and career track. Frankly, that’s why I started my own company. I’ll take the stress of owning a failure, far more than the stress of hoping someone else gives me a few extra dollars when I’m working at 100%.
But whether using these words directly creates a raise or promotion is less relevant than the change that these magic words will create inside of you. There is a huge difference between seeing yourself as a victim, a hapless participant in the projects of others, and a change-maker. A person with autonomy, credibility, and character.
What you’ll figure out once you start using these words, is that people trust you, they come to you in good times and bad, because they know you’ll shoot them straight.
People like that are rare, valuable, and well-compensated.
So magic words for wealth: My fault.
A quick disclaimer. As I was thinking about this, I considered the idea that ‘fault’ is not a great word, because it implies blame. Then as I thought it through further, I went full circle on using the word fault because everyone knows how to take credit when they did a good job. It’s the ownership of problems and bad results that builds character. Perhaps a different mindset could be ‘I own this’ or ‘this is my problem,’ but ultimately, it’s the mindset that needs to be created.
Phrase #2 - “No”
Watching Dave Ramsey's video, "Learning to Say No" nine years ago changed my life. The most relevant part of this blog starts at 2:30, and ends around 4:00. A paraphrase “You have to learn to say an ancient word, No.”
My friend Brant is amazing at saying no. I’ll invite him to the skatepark or to Denver and he’ll just say “No, I’m staying home tonight” No excuses, no lies, no justification, and interestingly, no hurt feelings. The honesty is refreshing.
Think of all the things you can say no to.
You can say no to going to a concert, being on the board of a charity, volunteering at a thing you don’t care about, say no to a hobby you don’t like, or a restaurant that treats you poorly. Just find a reason to say no and build that muscle!
I personally still struggle with this. I love getting invited to social events, but nowadays, there are more social events than days of the week.
Socially, most kids are conditioned that they cannot say no. What do you say if your 7-year-old says no to your request to clean the room? Take out the garbage? No is simply not an option towards authority. If your boss asks you to work on a project and you reply ‘no,’ you’ll lose your job.
So on one hand, we’re conditioned since childhood to never say no, and then as adults, we get abused by society if we never exercise our autonomy.
So when can you say no?
Let’s start with authority. Saying ‘no’ to a judge or cop after they issue a ‘lawful demand’ will land you in the slammer, so you can’t say ‘no’ without real-life consequences.
At work, you CAN say no, but you’ll have to risk your job. Make sure you’re working with good people who don’t ask you to do things you’d like to say ‘no’ to, or you’ll probably be forced to find yourself out of a job.
You can say ‘no’ to social engagement, food that doesn’t fit your goals, or spending on items that you don’t value.
Perhaps instead of a cry against authority, the most important ‘no’s’ are the ones against our habits that don’t serve us. Midnight snacks – a second drink after dinner, spending time with an old friend who brings out the worst in you.
When I think of the power of no, it’s first and foremost a rejection of something. But quickly the habit of saying ‘no’ turns into an affirmation of something positive. The life you actually want for yourself. When your colleagues invite you out for a late-night dinner, which will turn into drinks until 3AM, does that serve you in your life? Or is saying ‘no’ to drinks also saying ‘yes’ to waking up refreshed and ready to do things that you value?
I like to leave my blogs with a challenge for you.
Today, respond to a request with a simple ‘no’. No explanation. No ‘Thank you’. No maybe later. Just. NO.
Would you like to round up for our charity? No.
Can I pick your brain for 15 minutes? No.
Will you help me move? No.
Eventually, you’ll be compelled to throw in "no, thank you", or a reason if you care or respect the requester. But build the muscle, assert your autonomy, and say no.
In closing, Simon Senek has a great phrase, that you can take all the credit in the world for the things you’ve done right, as long as you take responsibility for the things you do wrong. It must be a balanced equation. Think about someone you know who never accepts responsibility for their mistakes, but takes credit for their victories. What do you think of that person? Do you respect them? Admire them? Or do they seem low and petty? Would you want your son or daughter to turn out like them? Or would you be embarrassed?
Both magic words are about improving your character. Take responsibility for things you have control over, and ensure that you say ‘No’ to enough things that your ownership is real.
Disclosures: The opinions voiced in this material are for general information only and are not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual. All performance referenced is historical and is no guarantee of future results. All indices are unmanaged and may not be invested into directly. Stock investing includes risks, including fluctuating prices and loss of principal. There is no guarantee that a diversified portfolio will enhance overall returns or outperform a non-diversified portfolio. Diversification does not protect against market risk. The economic forecasts set forth in this material may not develop as predicted and there can be no guarantee that strategies promoted will be successful